and where do i go from here?

it has been a long time since i’ve blogged. i wonder if anyone still comes here to read. but anyhow, it’s just an outlet for me to rant.

i was accepted into a rather prestigious internship and i was really very excited. however, after yesterday’s meeting with the mentors, my dreams were sorta dashed in some way. the prof remarked that even though i have very good grades, i cannot enter into any postgrad programs because i am not currently taking a thesis. and i dont plan to. this internship’s involves clinical psychology, and it was my dream of being a child clinical psychologist since i started university. so after the meeting, i went home to seriously think about taking a thesis. but i really dont want to; partly cos i am really really lazy to do a thesis and i’ve never been interested in research.. and partly cos i’m suddenly not sure if going into the clinical field (or studying Masters) is something that i really want.

through the last two years, having abandoned my teaching award, i’ve struggled with comprehending where exactly God wants me to go. is teaching not the path for me? since young, i’ve loved teaching and loved children, and other than being a psychologist, teaching has always been something on my heart. a desire to pass on something to the next generation, and a desire to impact lives in a unique way. being a psychologist has always been a dream, and i guess yeseterday i finally concluded that it will always remain a dream, and going into teaching seems like the path for me right now. it has always been a struggle between psychology psychology and teaching.. and though it seems like a waste to not practise psychology after 4 years of education, i can happily say that i have enjoyed this course and have fulfilled what i’ve always wanted to do since secondary school. i believe that having studied psychology made me a different person; more perceptive and reflective in some way, and always a desire to know why and more. although there are times i’ve regretted not doing something prestigious, i believe God has placed me in this major for a good reason, and i am glad that i’m loving this study.

and so, i guess i’m pretty bent on going into education. hopefully that’s where God is calling me to. perhaps i can be a counsellor in school as well! πŸ™‚

i dont know why i suddenly feel so insightful and enlightened! i know it’s so silly of me sometimes, but i dont know why i always choose to follow my heart in every thing i do. well honestly it’s irrational most of the time (like giving up thesis), but at the end of the day, i always remain steadfast in knowing that despite the roundabouts, u-turns and mistakes in my life, God is always in sovereign control, and loving Him is ultimately and only what is truly important in life. πŸ™‚

thank You God, for the peace.


One Response

  1. joce! πŸ™‚
    i’m still coming to this blog faithfully to read it! but there haven’t been updates for a long long time!

    you know what, i must say, we are really alike! HAHA! i have/had the exact same thoughts and sentiments and struggles as you are facing right now (minus all the extremely good results + prestigious internship!). and for me, it was counselling/clinical psych instead of child clinical psych. and you know what, after making a decision since more than 1 year ago to do teaching, sometimes i still think back on the decision and wonder if i’m doing the right thing! but at all these times, somehow somewhat somewhere, God will remind me through some funny means of how He showed me it was teaching last september and how i made that decision. and sometimes that reminder may come from the instructor from NIE whom i’m not very fond of! so He does it in funny ways! and i’m sure God will show it to you.

    at this time, keep the faith! remember all these decision milestones and struggles all come for a purpose and i believe God wants to teach you something through all these too! πŸ™‚ so grab the lessons along the way instead of simply looking for the results yarh?

    hope to catch up with ya soon next week! πŸ™‚

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