Archive for the ‘family’ Category

at the end of the day
August 21, 2009

it has been a very turbulent week! thousand and one stuffs have happened, yet despite all these, i feel a strange sense of peace. hopefully, after tonight, my brain and my heart can have a good rest, before i gear up even more for the coming weeks of papers, presentations and tests!

been struggling with certain friendships/relationships, and the emotional stress is taking a toll on me. i never figured that things would become this bad, but i suppose out of the storm, i can still see light shine through 🙂

because of this, he has become a child of God. and i guess though it was a painful time for him, and an equally tiring time for me, God used the troubles and storms in our lives and made something beautiful come out of it. through this, he saw God’s comforting hand. through this, i realized that at the end of the day, i need You.

at the end of the day, I really need You. i know no matter how far i walk away from you, or how pretty this world seems, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, You really matter to me. and i believe that You have allowed me to see precious lessons, and i believe that The One will be someone who truly loves and fears You. and that’s all that really matters.

at the end of the day, i am still blessed. even now as i type these words, my sister is sleeping so soundly beside me, and sometimes her presence brings me much joy, and ease in knowing that i have a loving sister whom i can fall back upon when the world gets onto me. thank God for that. i found her baby photo in one of the old devotional books. she looked so innocent and cute. i really loved her and wanted so much to protect her as a big sister. she was duper precious to me. now that she’s all grown up, i still want to protect her from all the storms, but i’ve come to realize that there’s just so much i can do, and yet she rests, in God’s loving arms.

met up with deb just now, and we had such a good chat and catch up over dinner. i’ve always been the passive one when it comes to maintaining friendships, and i’m truly thankful that she’s always the one taking the initiative to meet me. though we spend much less time together, i’m always glad that i can tell her everything 🙂

had a good chat with haharold as well! i was pretty touched when he said i’m one of his best friends. i’m really thankful for him, cos i know that he never judges me and i always feel happy and comfortable talking to him. will miss him when he’s back in UK.. hopefully things will be back to normal when the three of us meet up again.

last but not least, i met up with jw for supper for the past two wednesdays. it’s always so good to spend time with him.

as you can see, i’m trying very hard to make sure that this semester, i spend time building relationships as well, instead of being too obsessed with my studies! at the end of the day, it’s the relationships that we have that matter. the people we love. and i hope i can hold on to this, and truly what is important in life, as i near the busy part of the semester.

SHA: i’ve figured out some (more) stuffs! 🙂 long to tell u about them. shall pen u a letter when i’m free, again! love!

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to love sincerely
April 29, 2009

feeling a tinge of emo-ness tonight. dont worry, it’s healthy emo-ness 🙂 just the feeling of being alone and thinking through things. haha finally got the time after three exams. the last one is in one week’s time 🙂

have spent quite a bit of time studying with lyanna and sarah, and so far, other from the slight bruises thanks to lyanna’s pinching, studying has been fun and pretty productive 🙂 too bad there will be less of these times when lyanna returns to NTU i suppose. that island seriously cages people in some way. oops. it’s been a long time since i felt that my friendship mattered to someone, and i’m glad that through all these years, our friendships have cemented to become, the best.

i miss talking to isaac, really. i wonder if our friendship can really stand this test.

papa’s far away in australia now on a business trip. on sunday, we had beancurd and breakfast together, and it felt so good, even though it was like for a very short time. haha as usual, i talked about my ideal partner and my wish to get married and be a wife and mother (yes yes, that’s my greatest dream. haha). somehow that topic always makes people talk i realize. haha. i cherish all the times we can sit down together alone and just spend some quality time. those times are really precious to me, and i’m going to make an effort to create more of these. i know that there are a lot of unspoken hurts between us, and sometimes i struggle to keep silent about them. but i’ve come to realize that it’s not just because i’m passive about it, but i realize that.. i dont want to lose even the chance to be loved by him, no matter how insignificant it sometimes feels. but more than that, i dont want to lose the chance to love him, cos i really do.

i’m looking forward to the end of exams. i shall go roam about the streets, listen to the everyday conversations of people streaming by, savour coffee and cake, and just watch the world go by. i need those moments to be recharged spiritually and emotionally i think. right now all i can think of is Exam. AH.

i think i ought to think of what it really means to love others sincerely, and actively do so.

thoughts on. love.
April 12, 2009

it’s been a really eventful weekend, leading up to easter.. many CRYsis i should say.

i guess, it’s only through these crisis that my heart begins to grow and i have to make decisions to choose to trust God despite all that’s happening. and thank God for the grace to be obedient and not to crumble too much under the immense stress. ironically, i always feel rather stressed during easter, because of the easter parties every year. haha. i thought this time i could have it easier, but it was as always, challenging and stretching every bit of my faith. but i thank God that at least this year i sort of made up my mind that i would not crumble under the pressure once again. i would pray, trust and get it moving moving.

the easter party turned out fine 🙂 in the end, i didnt share about H, but i shared about my father instead. i love my father very much, and sometimes i end up getting hurt because i may not receive the same measure of love, or receive it in the same way i want it to. i know he loves me a lot too. but i guess our love is always imperfect and full of cracks, and it takes a lot of courage, commitment and really, love, to move on, mend the cracks and continue to persevere in love.

this weekend, 1 Cor 13 came to my mind a few times. about love, that always perserveres, always trusts, always hopes and always protects. i wonder if i am loving you the same way, if my love is really reflecting Christ’s love for you and for me.

all these breakups, divorces, quarrels, cold wars, disappointments.. all the scars, remind me that our love is just so imperfect, so small, compared to God’s love in our lives. but they are beautiful scars, as Steven Curtis Chapman would sing, because they remind us of God’s constant love, and His healing in the parts that hurt. and someday, we will be able to look back and be thankful that though we once hurt, we were healed, and we, moved on.