Protected: 突然又累了

April 18, 2009 - Enter your password to view comments.

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for walking with me

April 16, 2009 - Leave a Response

it was a good dinner with yvonne yesterday! really missed her, and i was duper excited to finally meet her after some time. but it never gets any awkward between us. somehow, we just click and there is always this sense of warmness and familiarity whenever i meet her =) it’s been good, definitely.

really nice to have someone older and more mature spiritually to talk to, to rant about things that i cant disclose to the youths. it’s just so good to have someone to look up to, to rely and to depend on. even though i havent spoken to her for ages, she’s the first person i’d think of if i need any godly advice, and i’m so thankful for a sister like her. God really used her to shape my spiritual walk when i was younger, and i believe in the years to come, she’ll always hold that important role in my heart =)

tomorrow’s the last day of school. I AM SOOO EXCITED =) like seriously, seriously!

thoughts on. love.

April 12, 2009 - Leave a Response

it’s been a really eventful weekend, leading up to easter.. many CRYsis i should say.

i guess, it’s only through these crisis that my heart begins to grow and i have to make decisions to choose to trust God despite all that’s happening. and thank God for the grace to be obedient and not to crumble too much under the immense stress. ironically, i always feel rather stressed during easter, because of the easter parties every year. haha. i thought this time i could have it easier, but it was as always, challenging and stretching every bit of my faith. but i thank God that at least this year i sort of made up my mind that i would not crumble under the pressure once again. i would pray, trust and get it moving moving.

the easter party turned out fine 🙂 in the end, i didnt share about H, but i shared about my father instead. i love my father very much, and sometimes i end up getting hurt because i may not receive the same measure of love, or receive it in the same way i want it to. i know he loves me a lot too. but i guess our love is always imperfect and full of cracks, and it takes a lot of courage, commitment and really, love, to move on, mend the cracks and continue to persevere in love.

this weekend, 1 Cor 13 came to my mind a few times. about love, that always perserveres, always trusts, always hopes and always protects. i wonder if i am loving you the same way, if my love is really reflecting Christ’s love for you and for me.

all these breakups, divorces, quarrels, cold wars, disappointments.. all the scars, remind me that our love is just so imperfect, so small, compared to God’s love in our lives. but they are beautiful scars, as Steven Curtis Chapman would sing, because they remind us of God’s constant love, and His healing in the parts that hurt. and someday, we will be able to look back and be thankful that though we once hurt, we were healed, and we, moved on.

Protected: hands too full

April 6, 2009 - Enter your password to view comments.

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fujitsuiee- not swee (pretty) at all.

April 3, 2009 - 2 Responses

shall not rant abt my trouble with fujitsu. ah, it will never end.. it was my first time lashing out at a total stranger on tue. while i felt slightly accomplished (cos i usually dont stand up for myself), the tears i shed after i left the service centre were evidence of my apparent weakness and much frustratation. ah well. 😦 service’s poor poor poor. and i’ve learnt that it’s really not easy to want to deal with such stuff in a way that glorifies God.. really. it’s really testing my patience (and my whole family’s!) to the maximum. yet i really dont want to blow up. it’s so, so hard. i struggle so much i feel like crying. yet again.

AH WELL. why did i buy fujitsu! someone, remind me please!

other than that, i’ve had a relatively good week! though there are still some stuff at the back of my mind, some things yet unsettled with some people. ahem. but, i guess i want to leave that unsettled. no way. i’m not going to give in and make the first move again. why am i always the one being taken for granted? i’ve been struggling about this though, esp when God gently reminds me what love is.

okay, forget about that.

jw called me one night, and we had a good talk. i’m always glad that i’ve this friend to fall back upon. he’s been a very faithful friend indeed, and sometimes, i cant help comparing, since he’s also a guy (and thus being a guy isnt an excuse for being insensitive). but i guess i shldnt; each friendship is unqiue and different.

meeting gavin tmr to do some youth camp discussion. really hope to be able to guide him well through this process. may the Lord so use me to make a difference in the life of this young guy, and in the process, refine me even more.

difficult to please

March 29, 2009 - Leave a Response

one sure thing i’ve learnt this week: it’s difficult to please everyone.

well, not complaining, because i know that it’s a real issue. where there’s people, there’s bound to be conflicts. how we handle them in a sane manner is the crux i think.

quite obviously, i’m not cut out to lead people definitely! we had games week today, and i got frustrated trying to even decide where to play the games! some people couldnt leave the church, others didnt want to play in the hot sun. still others preferred not to even play running games (like frisbee) and some were too tired. no, i’m not complaining about them, i am just angry at myself for not being decisive. as a leader, i know there are always hard decisions to make, and often i just have to make it, even if it angers some and disappoints others. but i’m too much a crowd-pleaser, or nicely put, i just want everyone to be happy you know, and i find it difficult to make a decision! those who know me know that i’m one of the most indecisive people. argh, for goodness’ sake, joce!

and then, now my mom doesnt want us to cook dinner, while kor and dia are so excited about cooking dinner at home! i dont mind anything, just want everyone to sit down happily and have a meal but it’s so hard cos now i already have one justice bao (i.e. black face) at home. two more coming in at 4.30 once they see the first bao gong. i tried to deal with the first bao gong nicely, but obviously, bao gong shows no mercy at all.

ironically, she just came in. LOL.

ahh well, i know that pleasing God should be the utmost importance. sometimes i feel like i’m losing it. i want so much for the youths to bond together, but not just in games and activities, i really wish they would go deep, spiritually. i admit it’s difficult, and honestly, i sometimes doubt the decisions i make and the things i say. am i neglecting the Word? have i prayed enough. are the youths stirred up to pray? shall we invite a speaker in today? or perhaps we shld relax and have some games. “decisions, decisions”.

i’m thinking of teaching sunday school. children’s ministry has been something i’ve always had on my heart, but well.. it’s a tricky thing for me, cos i’m afraid i’m just interested because i wanna run away from youth responsibilities. that said, i’m pretty sure bringing kids up in a godly manner is in no way easier. one thing for sure, at least it’s time for other youths to rise up (oh yeah we’ve been at this issue for ages!) but how much to let go.. who to? definitely need lots of wisdom on that. i wish someone would come up to me and volunteer to take charge (like God spoke to them clearly or smthng) so that i dont have too much to think.. hahaha.. nah joce, you are really taking it too easily!

really feeling oh so inadequate! 😦

what brings me great comfort at the end of the day is, God’s will does not crumble because of a leader like me. really really thank God for that! on top of that, i need to feel inadequate, because i am and i need God’s life-transforming power to work in amongst us.

thank God for the little birthday cake surprise too! i was honestly a lil disappointed that some forgot my birthday and there was no cake 😦 hahaha. i mean i’m always the one getting the cake, i’d love one too! and yay i did 🙂 so happy! thanks mq and liru- the chopstick sisters (hahahaha so amusing!)

we’ll keep on moving, moving.

happy 22nd ME!

March 25, 2009 - Leave a Response

happy birthday to me! 🙂

it has been a really eventful birthday, and i was feeling so high and emo last night! 😀 hence, i thought i’d better just blog in the morning 🙂

there were many surprises and disappointments. perhaps you gain some, you lose some too.

anyway, the highlight of my birthday was definitely the very very enjoyable time spent with lyanna and sarah! 🙂 i’m really very happy that each birthday, i get to spend it with them. though there werent any fireworks or bouquets or expensive dinners, i really enjoy every single minute, and i thank God for blessing me with two best best friends like them, really.

sarah baked me oreo cheesecake! it was so good, cafe standard. thumbs up sarah! 🙂

the second highlight was a very good dinner with deb, catching up and just talking about random things. it’s always so good to have these little chats. i shall miss them when she graduates next year. deb, though studies are very important to me, so is your friendship, really. i wont neglect our friendship larh! hahaha.

mummy got me a cake at 12 am last night 🙂 so sweet! and everyone of my family remembered, as they should! haha. my dear bro bought me purple rose on sunday. it was so sweet. i know flowers are impractical, but i really like the moment of receiving flowers and staring at them makes me feel so sweet inside. maybe it’s a girl thing 🙂

every year, there are always a few people that i definitely look forward to receiving wishes from, and most of them did, so i’m really very happy!

jw didnt come down to celebrate my birthday this year, but i understand and i’m glad that he stayed up despite being so tired to call me. it really means a lot to me.

sha called me at 12 too! haha i definitely was expecting that. though she sounded 99% dead on the phone, i was really happy and touched 🙂 thank you sha, i love you so much!

laozhong also wished me. that was expected, since he’s in singapore! hah. but what really came as a whooping surprise was harold’s long distance call from UK. i was reallly very touched honestly. i dont know if he was reminded by facebook (i highly suspect so, judging from his giggles), but i was really happy and surprised to receive his call… so thoughtful, and unexpected!

then, finally at 11.59pm, boonkiat called me. good old brother, never forgets my birthday! i feel so bad that i forgot to call him on his birthday though i remembered! arghhh i can never forgive myself! haha whatever the case, i hope he knows how much his brotherhood means to me! (i was almost gg to kill him if he forgot, seriously!)

and i got a nice card from joanna. so sweet of her.

i do have a thing for cards! 🙂

the usual good friends wished me, and i’m glad that they remembered! manda, grace, char, yvonne, silkee, layming, ohjix, zhang etc etc. i’m happy girl! BO JING forgot. she’s sooo going to get it from me ><

so all in all, i received very good surprises and wishes, and i’m really glad. today’s dinner with mummy, and tmr’s dinner with lalang and gang! 🙂 so happy!

Protected: though i havent lost my faith.

March 20, 2009 - Enter your password to view comments.

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hello world!

March 19, 2009 - Leave a Response

wee! a brand new blog, a brand new perspective on blogging.

since this’ a much more personal blog, i guess there’s more room to speak about random issues, and be more emo! 😛 kidding. still get to update friends about stuff, share about my faith. and, just to rant, in ways that i sometimes cant in the previous blog!

dont worry, emo posts will be password protected so that only emo people can read! heh.