to love sincerely
April 29, 2009

feeling a tinge of emo-ness tonight. dont worry, it’s healthy emo-ness πŸ™‚ just the feeling of being alone and thinking through things. haha finally got the time after three exams. the last one is in one week’s time πŸ™‚

have spent quite a bit of time studying with lyanna and sarah, and so far, other from the slight bruises thanks to lyanna’s pinching, studying has been fun and pretty productive πŸ™‚ too bad there will be less of these times when lyanna returns to NTU i suppose. that island seriously cages people in some way. oops. it’s been a long time since i felt that my friendship mattered to someone, and i’m glad that through all these years, our friendships have cemented to become, the best.

i miss talking to isaac, really. i wonder if our friendship can really stand this test.

papa’s far away in australia now on a business trip. on sunday, we had beancurd and breakfast together, and it felt so good, even though it was like for a very short time. haha as usual, i talked about my ideal partner and my wish to get married and be a wife and mother (yes yes, that’s my greatest dream. haha). somehow that topic always makes people talk i realize. haha. i cherish all the times we can sit down together alone and just spend some quality time. those times are really precious to me, and i’m going to make an effort to create more of these. i know that there areΒ a lot of unspoken hurts between us, and sometimes i struggle to keep silent about them. but i’ve come to realize that it’s not just because i’m passive about it, but i realize that.. i dont want to lose even the chance to be loved by him, no matter how insignificant it sometimes feels. but more than that, i dont want to lose the chance to love him, cos i really do.

i’m looking forward to the end of exams. i shall go roam about the streets, listen to the everyday conversations of people streaming by, savour coffee and cake, and just watch the world go by. i need those moments to be recharged spiritually and emotionally i think. right now all i can think of is Exam. AH.

i think i ought to think of what it really means to love others sincerely, and actively do so.