grace for each step
June 24, 2009

it has definitely been a long while since i’ve updated, and many, many things have happened since. *takes in a deep breath*. i realize that i dont like to blog when it’s about uplifting or happy stuff, ironically. i guess i should, then i’ll have some kind of memory of the happy stuffs.

anyway, the mission trip was an amazing one. it was life-changing in every aspect, and i wish i could put into a few words what everything meant to me. but to do so would to minimize the work that God has shown us during the 10 days over there. but, i guess the greater challenge lies when i return from all the hoo-haas. where am i to go from here? can i still keep the fervor and the fire in my heart. fan it into consuming fire, Lord. help me to always remember all that you have shown me of, you.

“Let go, Let GOD” camp 09 was another unforgettable experience. the whole planning process, since march, was challenging in every aspect. i tried to draw myself out of the whole planning process, but in the end, i came in much more than i expected myself to be. i wonder if it’s the workaholic in me. but i’m glad that the mission trip had prepared me spiritually, to pray and to ask God to reveal Himself. it’s amazing how He even put the theme into our hearts, and how it eventually birthed. the thing is that, everything that happened during the camp or even before, seemed to have a specific purpose in God’s timing. God had shown me why he chose to do certain things a certain way, and i’m convinced that “apart from Him, i can do nothing”.

lives were changed, definitely, but how can we keep the peak? only by grace. grace alone.

through these past 2 months, i see how God has graciously answered prayers that i have been uttering (sometimes faithlessly) for the last 2-3 years. it’s pretty amazing, yet when it happens, i’m just dumbfounded. yet i know that we are only merely at the tip of the iceberg. there is still so much to go when it comes to experiencing the Almighty God. and rougher and tougher is the road ahead definitely. honestly, i feel even more fearful of what lies ahead. oh what small faith i have, after all that God has shown me! i believe He will ulitmately bring us to what lies beneath the tip, but i’m just dreadful of the long process of wait once again. but i know He will not bring me to this position if He knows that i cannot bear with it; for He alone knows the small measure of faith that i have, and He alone will supply the grace for each day.

grace alone, grace alone.

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little pleasant surprises :)
May 10, 2009

thank God for the little surprises along the way!

it was a great time of learning and reflecting on all the min sen shared today during yf. a time of re-thinking about the many masters i am serving and the only Master that i need to serve. there are really a lot of yucky stuff in my life, that builds up walls between the Lord and i. i wish i could wish them away, yet i know that this whole process of cleaning up is terribly needed so that i can truly, grow.

some of the youths have generously blessed me with some money for my mission trip. though the money isnt a huge sum, i am so awfully touched by their hearts to give whatever they can. with these little surprises and support, i’m confident that God is going to use this trip to so change me and mould me, and i am looking foward with great excitement to the coming trip! may my faith be so greatly stretched. may i learn to love the people, and may God use the little that we have to offer to bring upon His boundless blessings on the Thais.

today, min sen shared that one way we regain our intimacy with God is through serving His people and receiving support and love from our fellow brothers and sisters. and i am glad to be able to say that this is one of the greatest ways that God has been using to bring comfort, courage and challenge to my smaller-than-mustard-seed faith. though the going is so tough and frustrating, the love that i receive from these youths, and watching them grow, struggle and mature, is priceless, and irreplacable to this walk of faith.

meeting the chopstick sisters (this’ so amusing!) and sarah tmr for lunch! =) definitely looking forward to this!

difficult to please
March 29, 2009

one sure thing i’ve learnt this week: it’s difficult to please everyone.

well, not complaining, because i know that it’s a real issue. where there’s people, there’s bound to be conflicts. how we handle them in a sane manner is the crux i think.

quite obviously, i’m not cut out to lead people definitely! we had games week today, and i got frustrated trying to even decide where to play the games! some people couldnt leave the church, others didnt want to play in the hot sun. still others preferred not to even play running games (like frisbee) and some were too tired. no, i’m not complaining about them, i am just angry at myself for not being decisive. as a leader, i know there are always hard decisions to make, and often i just have to make it, even if it angers some and disappoints others. but i’m too much a crowd-pleaser, or nicely put, i just want everyone to be happy you know, and i find it difficult to make a decision! those who know me know that i’m one of the most indecisive people. argh, for goodness’ sake, joce!

and then, now my mom doesnt want us to cook dinner, while kor and dia are so excited about cooking dinner at home! i dont mind anything, just want everyone to sit down happily and have a meal but it’s so hard cos now i already have one justice bao (i.e. black face) at home. two more coming in at 4.30 once they see the first bao gong. i tried to deal with the first bao gong nicely, but obviously, bao gong shows no mercy at all.

ironically, she just came in. LOL.

ahh well, i know that pleasing God should be the utmost importance. sometimes i feel like i’m losing it. i want so much for the youths to bond together, but not just in games and activities, i really wish they would go deep, spiritually. i admit it’s difficult, and honestly, i sometimes doubt the decisions i make and the things i say. am i neglecting the Word? have i prayed enough. are the youths stirred up to pray? shall we invite a speaker in today? or perhaps we shld relax and have some games. “decisions, decisions”.

i’m thinking of teaching sunday school. children’s ministry has been something i’ve always had on my heart, but well.. it’s a tricky thing for me, cos i’m afraid i’m just interested because i wanna run away from youth responsibilities. that said, i’m pretty sure bringing kids up in a godly manner is in no way easier. one thing for sure, at least it’s time for other youths to rise up (oh yeah we’ve been at this issue for ages!) but how much to let go.. who to? definitely need lots of wisdom on that. i wish someone would come up to me and volunteer to take charge (like God spoke to them clearly or smthng) so that i dont have too much to think.. hahaha.. nah joce, you are really taking it too easily!

really feeling oh so inadequate! 😦

what brings me great comfort at the end of the day is, God’s will does not crumble because of a leader like me. really really thank God for that! on top of that, i need to feel inadequate, because i am and i need God’s life-transforming power to work in amongst us.

thank God for the little birthday cake surprise too! i was honestly a lil disappointed that some forgot my birthday and there was no cake 😦 hahaha. i mean i’m always the one getting the cake, i’d love one too! and yay i did 🙂 so happy! thanks mq and liru- the chopstick sisters (hahahaha so amusing!)

we’ll keep on moving, moving.